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My Older Journal Entries

A.D. Odom

Some of these older journal entries were originally typed (or retyped) on an old IBM System 30, which I still have in my bedroom, using a program called DisplayWriter.  If the formatting appears off in some of these, I beg your forgiveness.  I hate converting documents from one application to another and sometimes will miss things.
Some of these journal entries may also come from my dream diaries.  Apparently my grandmother had a gift of prophesy as does my mother.  Memorable dreams my mother had was my father's death and how he would die.  She also foresaw an accident that actually happened while we were travelling south one year.  She actually demanded we stop at a service station just moments before the accident occurred. 
I always feared my dreams until the early 90's when I decided the fear took too much of my energy.  I finally gave in.  Often the more prophetic dreams come to me in threes, the scenery may change, but the theme of the dream is always the same.

April 2, 2000 -- A Prophetic Dream

I realize now this was a prophetic dream.  On the morning Christine passed, I came home and started playing with a handheld Dictaphone unit I kept on my desk.  I have since discarded this particular unit for a new model I purchased about two years ago -- shortly after this dream.  I initially thought I hadn't recorded the dream and recently found it as a journal entry and not a recorded dream.  In the dream, Christine is packing her bags and there are several people in the tiny room with her, including one person lying in the bed adjacent to her bed.  This dream is filled with symbolism and shows me leaving, revisiting my past briefly, changing my appearance, beginning a new life and going it alone, without the usual cast of characters.

January 19, 2000 -- Honest Feelings

Another stream of conciousness post about what I was feeling at the beginning of 2000.  I think I was sensing something was wrong with Christine and getting a little angry about it. 

October 15, 1998 -- The Importance of Communication

This is a journal entry I made in October when I was fed up with something I was feeling.  It plaqued me for weeks and I had to do something about it.  Christine and I talked about it for a while, but she had this ability to invalidate my thougts or feelings, particularly when they pertained to her. I wrote this and sent it to her and this opened the door of open and honest communication between the two of us.  After reading it she stated we came from the same background and had some of the same experiences and feelings.  We talked more after this -- not much more, but considerably better than we had been talking. 
Often when I write, I allow myself a certain stream of conciousness that allows me to go from one theme to another.  In this entry, my mind wondered from my relationship with Christine to a relationship I might have had with my father.  The letter to my father and what I wrote as his subsequent response provided closure for me in the loss of my father.  When he died, I was only seven and had no real concept of death at that time. 

June 17, 1989 -- Saturday: Caleb Inherits The Hill Country

This is by far my favorite journal entry.  On this night, I decided to pray all night long just as Jesus did.  I did not expect what would happen nor could I have known how this night would change my life.  Since writing this piece, in the wee hours of the morning after the experience, I have come to a better understanding of the purpose of Caleb and his guidance for me in my life.  Two years prior to this experience, my mother disowned me because I came out as a lesbian to her, telephonically.  My life was torn asunder, if you will, and everything I believed up to that point was destroyed.  For two years, I sat at God's feet and unlearned the lessons my mother taught me and learned new lessons about life and about myself.  In the end, I realized I should not live my life according to other people and their wants or desire for me, but to live my life in accordance with what I believed -- from God's lips to my heart. 
The judgments of others are often based in fear.  If I continued to live my life by the the judgement of others, I would be living my life in fear.  If I chose to live my life in fear, I will never see the Promised Land -- true fulfillment of my life.  I learned to stand for what I believe, regardless of who liked it or not, and move forward trusting God and believing all things are possible.