JUNE 17, 1989 - SATURDAY
I have read
many books during the week regarding prayer. In these books, I have realized
that I may have been doing the wrong thing in my approach to God.
I
realized my prayers were too rapt in emotion and not enough in content and I have not been employing the Holy Spirit to help
me in my prayers.
Last night
I did. I just started with a little of what I had been feeling and elicited the
support of the Holy Spirit. I found this to be very beneficial to me. I did not know what was going on I only felt a quiet within I had not felt for some time. No words were used.
Then
the Lord said something quite strange, which I still do not understand. He directed
me to Caleb. I looked in my Bible's index and could not find Caleb. The name was familiar but I could not place where I had seen the name.
I rose from the area where I had been praying and immediately went to the library of Bibles in the house. I looked in each index to find Caleb to no avail. Finally, when I had exhausted all of my ways of finding Caleb, I returned
to the area where I had been praying, submitted, and went again before the Lord.
At this
time, I told the Lord how I was again, trying to do it all myself. I was running
off half cocked and did not ask Him where I would find Caleb. I again went before the Lord
and asked where I would find Caleb. Again, in
my spirit, came the words Joshua 14:6. I this time questioned if this was the truth, if this was really Him? He resounded in my spirit, unmistakably, Joshua 14:6!
I
immediately went to find Caleb realizing this was truly the Lord speaking to me and lo and
behold, in the 14th chapter of Joshua, the 6th thru the 15th verses regarded Caleb. In fact, the heading in my Good News Bible read: "Joshua
Inherits the Hill Country." The verses begin with representatives from the
tribe of Judah coming before Joshua. Caleb led the party and began to ask Joshua
to remember the time when the Lord spoke with Moses about the two of them. Caleb goes on to recall the time stating that the Lord made a promise to
them that they would enter the promised land. He told Joshua
why the Lord told Moses this.
In
summary, the verses pertain to Caleb's honesty before the people while they were in the desert. Caleb was sent with a party of other men to spy out
the promised land. When they got there, they found the land plentiful with goodies
and found, as well, a people who were like giants living on the land. The men
were afraid of these people and decided to bring back the news that the land was not fit for living and they should not consider
this land. Caleb, however, tore his clothes in
response to this and stated that the land was excellent, the Lord was with them, and they could overcome these people. The people wanted to kill both Joshua and Caleb
for standing up, but the Lord prevented this from happening and told Moses that these two would
be the only two to enter the land because they were faithful to God.
In the book
of Joshua, Caleb recounted these events to Joshua. Caleb mentioned that he was 40 years old at the time
and he knew that was why the Lord let them enter the land, because he did the will of God in telling the truth. He went on to say that 45 years had since past and he had not received the land the Lord had promised to
him in the hill country. He told Joshua, though
he was now 85 years old, he felt himself just as strong as he was then and could still go to war as well as go and come to
do anything. He told Joshua to give him the hill country, the land his feet walked across, and even though there
are giants in that land, if the Lord is with them, they will overcome and take the land.
Joshua blessed him and gave him the land, Hebron,
and Caleb did overcome and occupied the land.
I did not
understand what this had to do with me. I asked the Lord, in my prayers initially,
to help me understand myself and His will for me. I told Him how I was doubting
myself and felt I had exported that to Him. I was silent for a long period of
time and then I asked the Lord how I would get the money to start my business.
What came next was Caleb.
I wondered
about this all day today trying to understand this Holy Scripture and its application to me.
The only thing I could come up with initially was the Lord is trying to tell me it is time for me to return to the
world and fight my giants, my fears of the environments I worked in or the lack of freedom I experienced in those environments. I have seen the promised land and I need to work towards getting there not fearing
what is in the way, but believing that the Lord is with me and I will be able to overcome the obstacles. He will provide me with the strength and I will be ensured victory over my enemies.
At one time
during the day, I came up with another possible understanding that maybe my doubts are the giants between me and my faith
in God. That my doubts have come back to me to bring fear to me and has caused
me to believe that the promised land I have been looking forward to is really not fit for me.
Maybe the Lord is trying to get me to be more like Caleb, and with all honesty say that
this is good, it is an excellent idea and believe God will provide me with the victory.
I should do as Caleb did and claim the land and not concern myself with the giant doubts
I have but trust that God is with me and I will obtain the hill country of my dreams.
I must be honest, claim it, ask for it and stand against the opposition, if it be the community or friends and believe
solely on the Lord to obtain the promise.
The problem
I encountered with the above was, is this God's promise to me. I keep trying
to go back and wonder if this really was God's promise. I keep going back to
the time when I felt the Lord was trying to tell me something. I was trying to
do it the way I felt was best but things kept happening to upset my plans. I
asked God for many things which did come, and then disappeared. I took that to
mean maybe the Lord did not want me to proceed in this way. Maybe my prayer should
be to ask the Lord how I should go about things and ask for the way.
Again, I
have been looking at what I feel is the best way for me. The Lord may have other things in mind for me. I think
I should ask Him and not tell Him and ask Him for what I think will work. He
has already shown me how my original ideas were way off base, now I should allow Him to tell me how I should proceed.
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